the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i already hear my dad disowning me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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