i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
