im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
