Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
