so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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