Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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