If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
