Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
