There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
