Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
