3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
