Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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