What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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