I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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