dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
