tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
