i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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