you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
