Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I think my vagina is haunted
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
