it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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