Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
