i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
