I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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