I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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