Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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