like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
