so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
