You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
