i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
not ubering you a puppy
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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