Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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