oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
