afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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