just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
