just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
