i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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