Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
