Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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