we have pet lesbian snakes
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
