The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
