that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
