I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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