I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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