his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
