im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
