Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
