People in love make me want to vomit
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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