Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
