my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
