areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
