4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
