she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you would pick up someone in the library
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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