I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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