a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
