I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
